Proper Personhood, Power and Destiny

Even within a tradition, everyone’s destiny is different but the power flooding through at elevation is of quite a different nature than what was experienced at 1*.

I can only talk from personal experience and speculate that the inner contacts made in the course of this second flush of power, play a role in shaping destiny and determining what direction the priest/ess will take, how and where in life it will earth and for what purpose.

In the initial stage, nothing happens on the surface but the waters below, having been stirred beging to produce a sucking vortex much as what happens when you unplug a sink.

That’s exactly it.

You start to sink and before you know it, you’re being sucked into a dark, dark funnel of waste. It’s anything but glamorous and glorious, I can tell you that.

If you’ve taken the 2* only, well, I figure that’s pretty much where you’ll be floating until someone will step forward and get you out of it by giving you a 3*. I don’t claim to know what it might be like because I took 2* and 3* together but purely by observation of 2*, nothing really dramatic happens to jolt into full wakefulness, rather a stage is reached where the individual remains suspended in some sort of neutral limbo and just bobs along with the current.  Many 2* remain contentedly as such for an incredible amount of years.

The effects of 2*and 3* together, however, resemble more of a ping ball shot. The descent is rougher, faster and in the process you’re slammed right, left and centre, upwards and downwards while bungee jumping upside down.  Imagine going through something like that literally and you can get a rough idea of the kind of altered states of consciousness you can get into by the sheer trauma of it all.  Against all human logic – magic is beyond it – that’s the time to sever all ties and let yourself dive into free fall in true luciferian style.  After smacking your head flat onto the densest sphere of the kabbalistic tree for good measure, just so that you get a good taste of the least evolved in mankind, you are propelled upwards and slammed in any and every direction in no particular pre-detemined order other than what you’ll need to muster what strength you have left to summon you HGO, which by then, you can be guaranteed, you will oh so need it.

This is where the qualities of the magical personality I mentioned earlier come into play. If you allowed yourself to be trained in servility and subservience, if all you ever learnt was to be dependent on someone to tell you what to do and when, how to behave, it’s not surprising you’ll either be kept on hold for the rest of your life or you’ll go cuckoo.

People imagine the awakening to be some sort of jaw gaping ecstatic experience of fucking unicorns and rainbows.  Well, let me tell you, you might well see the rainbows and if you do, take it as a good omen and as a confirmation that somewhere along your magical way, you must have charmed some good ally into liking you.

Now, while not everyone nearly dies in the literal sense, a good number of people – including myself – come precariously close to one form of dissolution or another and the effects will be felt physically, especially if in your obsession with spiritual pursuits, you have neglected your body in one way or another. But in every single case, the person will suffer a severe battering psychologically, hence the ‘danger of going mad’.  Again, your mettle is put to the test. If you’re the kind of person who’s easily plied and gives in, you’re fucked, because the road to recovery will seem to be nowhere near round the corner and even the strongest of people will feel like throwing the towel in at times.  People around you may well be affected by it and feel the reverberations, so take that into account, as you might not have just yourself to nurse but everyone else who got dragged along with you because of you.  Have you got the tenacity of spirit it takes to keep on fighting, and not just for yourself, while deeply wounded? Because that’s what being a Proper Person and having a magical personality is all about. Be prepared to learn about how your own actions and your own will affect others – not that it should put you off – because that will be your first taste of what it really means to feel compassion whilst wielding power to bring the scales back into balance. You will undoubtely be faced with some form of sacrifice or another, and I don’t mean giving up chocolate for lent or promise to the goddess you will never slag your enemies off ever again. Whatever it is, once offered voluntarily, unconditionally and moved by perfect love (not the sentimental airy-fairy kind) and in perfect trust – it will strip you to the bare bone and sink you to the bottom pit of humanity until you become NOTHING. Enter humility, because you’ll dwell in spiritual and psychological, maybe even physical coma for a while, and that turns out always to be longer than one had expected.  Luckily though, if you have taken 2* and 3* together, you no longer need human intervention to get you out. When the time finally arrives, something, someone, a hand from the cloud, picks up up and you go from nothing on to being enthroned in some kind of position of power. This is when sheer driving force that brought on the elevation grounds like a thunderbolt and earth into manifestation in your life. Sounds like a happy ending, but that’s where it all begins, all over again, just on a different scale.  And so here is that sword, like Excalibur in your hand again and this time you also have a heavy crown on your head and hovering over you a constant consciousness and awareness living in the memory of the experience you have had before.  Flanking both your sides the pros and cons of your elevated position, your mentors and your critics, your supporters and your rivals or enemies; while below you is your HGO at your service and below still all that depends on your rule and how wisely and skillfully you hold your sceptre and wield the sword. You’re still surrounded by many but this time you can count yourself on your own, fully accountable and fully responsible, because if you made it this far, now you know how your every action and purpose will reverberate and affect others. You will have opened your eyes on both what is far greater and on to the basest of the base. What you have seen can never be unseen. Welcome, then, to autonomy and independence.

“It’s up to you now”, “You call the shots”, “You can do what you want”, “ You lead the way you see fit” – I am told.  And you know what? Power is like a machine and runs on fuel. It needs action and force to drive it on. It needs clear sagacious vision, to aim and hit the target.  It needs a direct and resolute voice that won’t be silenced by fear of disapproval. How are you going to forge ahead, if you’re the type that always needs to ask permission and surrenders to the will of a High Priest/ess and carefully watches every word they say in case they might be upset, offended or feel challenged?

Could it be counsel that you should have really been taught to seek? There’s a marked difference between the asking permission and asking for counsel.  Because you see, the first smothers the magical personality whilst the former encourages its growth.

Which one of the two, do your Alexandrian teachers promote?

Are you being properly prepared to stand alone as part of your training or are you being expected to ego stroke and serve the High Priesthood in their delusions of grandeur and godly embodiedment? If the answer is yes, to the latter: are you sure there is any substance at all to their claims of High Priesthood? There’s a little too much emphasis on lineage these days as if that’s all there is to autenticity. Pity that this generation of newly appointed busybodies spend more time updating their fucking Facebook pages, stalking each other online and bitching in their secret weblists than to give any actual training.

What does becoming a god mean to them? What would be their reaction if you were to ask them this question? Would they think you’re being insolent? Would they feel challenged? If so, what in them brings out such defensiveness…an unmastered ego perhaps? Why would they tolerate being called bastard by Alex but not by you? Doesn’t the word bastard convey the same meaning, no matter from whose mouth it flits out?

On this account, like many others, I also think Karagan is a piece of shit and a proper cunt.  Alex told me to pass on this important message last time I contacted his spirit – hope he and Jihmal get the sense of humour in this.  Karagan does not mind me anticipating his secret revelation that he’s really the reincarnation of Alex Sanders about to return as King, because hey, did I ever mention that I am the reincarnation of Alesteir Crowley? What a jolly good fun it will be once we can find Gardner. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. Jihmal, perhaps you could use your legendary pendulum…

Closed this little parenthesis of irreverent humour, any High Priest/ess who initiates and does not honour the commitment of training any one of their initiates up to their elevation cannot be considered a Proper Person.  If you do not know what the hell you’re signing up for when you start a coven – wait, a Temple – and you even work magic to attract initiates, then I’m sorry, you are the living proof, along with all your lineage before you, that you are a half baked magician.  Yes, you have an initiation and some training, pity about the magical personality – that obviously wasn’t encouraged in your lineage.

There are not such things as exceptional circumstances, only poor judgement or denial of responsibility on behalf of the High Priesthood.  It’s like wanting a puppy for Christmas because they’re so cute and you so want to have a puppy and then abandon it on a street 6 months later, because it pisses and shits all over the house.

This is where I beg to differ in my method of discerning who I will/will not initiate. When I square a prospective candidate, all I care is how far does he or she dare to go to fullfil his or her desire? Do they take no for an answer? Big deal if I don’t necessarily like them on a personal level. What’s their magical potential? Least of all, I don’t need another sychopant with a burning desire to be Alexandrian, so long as they understand and accept that that’s the magical initiation and training they will be getting into.  Unlike some, I do not expect them either to dedicate their entire life exclusively to the tradition. Many, myself included, shift and change tangents after their 3*. It would be a shame if they became stale water. Beyond the 3* the tradition is over. Even the Alexandrian 4* rite is a plagiarised incomplete rendition from the Adeptus Minor, so please, let’s cut this rubbish, Sanders himself spent his whole life foraging and scraping for knowledge.  However, once you manage to communicate with your HGO, you soon realise that you can well get on with the Work without the parafernalia, unless you’re training.  Again, if Karagan is still at the stage of “the Alexandrian tradition is so infinite to last you a lifetime”, he’s either deliberately deceiving seekers or he was never properly initiated in the first place (I know, Maxine knows and so do other elders in the UK know this is the case but the tradition needs a return of the King and guess who’s the fool in line for the job).

Service and Proper Personhood

In this comment and analysis I want to explore how ‘service’ is interpreted in the contemporary Alexandrian tradition and what it practically translates into.

In the early days of the Gardnerian and Alexandrian Craft, the word ‘service’ was never used. Back in the days, those who trained in magic sought the kind of power who would lead, in the words of the Charge of the Goddess, to freedom from slavery. The new generation of Alexandrians seem to want to emulate the dear old Church and bring slavery back into fashion.

Neither bound not free was merely a concept tied to the binds of rebirth as an initiate into a magical self – binds that would subsequently loosen up and give way to full autonomy upon being elevated to 3*.

I categorically do not teach ‘service’ to those I initiate, simply because it was never part of the Craft, and it has been adopted from new age thought only about a decade or so, as commodity upon which many teachers rely to play mind games with their newly initiated members. Similarly, I would never initiate someone in whom I would not see the fabric of leadership and I could not envision becoming a 3*.

So in my coven, we do not serve the High Priest/ess nor we serve the God and Goddess.

The Earth is the natural abode of man and our birth-right. We are part of it and we share it with many creatures, each from a realm of their own, and that may include elementals, fairies, etc.

On a larger scale, the Earth belongs to a heavenly cosmos. Since there is nowhere else for us to go but wander on a rock suspended in space, we believe to also be part of the heavenly extended family.

With this equation in mind, the gods become just another living specie of the universe, if not our ancestors. I may revere their spirit but we do not serve them as subjugated slaves.

We form alliances with them, as we form alliances with every single member of our coven. This is for us, Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.  It’s about giving and receiving with equal dignity across the various realms of existence. It’s also about honouring with dignified composure those godly heroes who fell and gave us fire and knowledge for the sake of lifting us from slavery.

It’s rather a contradiction to say that s/he who casts the circle with the sword rules it and guards it from those who enter but then capitulates in submission to whatever presents itself.  It hardly comes as a surprise that many covens plunge into confusion within a year of working together and that the High Priesthood feels challenged in its authority by the initiates under their training. We seem to forget that in flesh, man amounts to merely just another mammal if it wasn’t for that spark of godhood that is ignited at initiation. Have you ever wondered why we would be horrified to eat a roasted cat but we are unaffected to smell chicken in Sainsbury’s rotisserie section? Cats are totally useless for our survival and yet chickens lay eggs. I guess that even as in the rest of nature it all comes down to nobility vs servility – with being useful you also become disposable.

I can’t imagine nothing more stupid than presenting yourself as a desperate soul in need of power or as some awe struck space cadet to an entity with whom you are planning to engage with.  I should know because that’s exactly what I once did in my magical beginnings. Consciousness (I guess that’s what it can be called) is a must and it goes beyond the pre-ritual salt bath or meditation. Entities are called with confidence of purpose and intent. Priority is given to finding out knowledge – not fucking healing Francis’ leg and shoving a good dose of reiki in an Alexandrian ritual. The High Priesthood has the pivotal role to continue presiding over the circle as its host, especially after a presence has entered the sacred space and starts interacting with whoever has invoked it. That means screening the entity coming through and send it packing whence it came from if necessary. When I read some comments made by so called 3* of the new generation of Alexandrians, especially those in the States, about serving the gods, as if they were just on the way to their local parish, I just want to facepalm over and over again.

The message they are sending to seekers about what makes a Proper Person is thwarted in the self-indulging need of surrounding themselves with seekers who will fawn at their feet and without questioning their authority, they will let the Gypsy Ravishes and Karagans of the situation fleece them for as long as they can get away with, until they will eventually find a way to escape them without having learnt a single magical iota other than preserving their crushed velvet gown from catching fire while prancing around a bonfire.

I know these ‘Lexies’ and I are most certainly NOT on the same wave-length – (as if redneck stupidity did not abound already, now we even have to suffer with the indignity of this biker chick/porn star pseudonym).

Why not bring up, at this point, the contentious issue of what a Proper Person can be defined as and why some people seem to never make any progress beyond the 1* no matter what they do.  I have often heard teachers whine regretfully about someone who they have initiated because he or she did not live up to their personal expectations (or didn’t shower them with sufficient gifts and cash or other favours). They remind me of those parents who ‘sacrifice’ everything for their children just to throw it all back in their face as emotional blackmail once having reached a coming of age their son or daughter shows signs of wanting to let go of mummy’s apron and pursue what they yearn for against mummy and daddy’s plans.  Rather than commending them for their courage and spirit of initiative, the family and collective usually brands them as selfish and ungrateful little bastards who have let their parents down.

These teachers seem to forget – or maybe they were never taught – that a job well accomplished invariably involves a parting of the ways.  I also hear that training in the Craft takes years, possibly a lifetime: yes, but not as a 1*. Let’s face it, if your 1* is still a 1* after five years training, you’re either a shit teacher or you are some control freak with insecurity issues and a hidden agenda to boot.  Either way it’s more a reflection on yourself as a teacher than your 1* initiate.

I remember being told that a certain someone would never make it as a High Priest…he liked a drink. The person who passed this judgement is a cocaine addict and 3*.  It’s totally pointless to descend into moralism and any other kind of –isms, because the plain reality is that our taste and preferences for decadence have nothing to do with the magical personality of an initiate. In other words, unlike the christian priesthood who aspires to perfection by ridding itself of ‘sin’ and ‘vices’, a magus and priest realises that perfection is a lifelong carousel of upheavals and errors (suffering in order to learn) and therefore some vices and unpalatable traits may well be spokes on the wheel of necessity. That is something seekers and initiates can also find comfort in when they decide to vote with their feet and leave a toxic group behind.

What the magical personality and Proper Personhood requires are qualities rarely spoken of, such as a resolute and resilient attitude, clear vision of intent, a strong will and decisiveness.  Humility is something that cannot be learnt until the power of the elevation to 3* and beyond starts to earth into your every day life. In the early stages of training is an unrealistic expectation if not at all undesirable. The initiate’s progress depends on the all the characteristics typical of the Fool, including brashness and an inclination to rebel and take risks.